Beyond the Barrier

Frustration or friends?

Although the poet, Robert Frost wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors,” in “Mending the Wall,”  the poem is “anti-barrier,” describing how walls and fences prevent interaction and therefore communication, setting the scene for isolation, frustration, and misunderstanding.  Our lives are full of barriers, physical as well as lingual, intellectual, and cultural and we’re frequently frustrated by them.  We yell at our computer screen when something doesn’t work, at our phone as we’re punching numbers, waiting to talk to a “real” person, at someone who doesn’t share our language and we can’t make our message clear.   At sport events, obsessed fans in the stands hurl insults at players on the field.  People curse other drivers while they’re driving.  We vent our frustration by behaving badly.

Dogs also experience barrier frustration.  They bark and lunge at the window, on the other side of a fence, and/or at the end of a leash towards other animals or people.  Like people in similar situations, dogs are seeking a way to interact, to communicate.  The barking and lunging could be a warning sign for real or perceived trespassers to go away or an attempt to greet and make friends.  But without the interaction, frustration builds and dogs have less control over their behavior.   

While a consistent and “strong” barrier increases frustration, a failed barrier fuels persistence.  A dog that starts off running a fenceline, barking at other dogs or people can start fence fighting and slamming against the barrier.  A dog pulling at the end of a leash, increases to lunging and barking at the end of the leash.  If the fence gives way or the leash breaks or drops, the dog is in essence rewarded for challenging the barrier.  Regardless of the outcome, the frustration has been released.   If the barrier fails more than once, even if the events are weeks or months apart, a system of intermittent rewards is established – a strong reinforcer that is also used in training desired behaviors – and the behavior increases and intensifies with an end goal of releasing that frustration.

For management, keeping the dogs away from the source of frustration can help.  Blocking access/view to a front window or fence can prevent the dog from becoming overstimulated.  On leash, limiting walking hours to “quiet times,” when a minimal number of other dogs or people will be encountered, can help, as can a Calming Cap (a device that filters a dog’s vision).  During management, directing the dog’s attention elsewhere or rewarding the dog for ignoring the stimulus can reinforce the dog for keeping away from the barrier (the fence, window, or end of the leash) encouraging self-monitoring. However, if the hope of breaking through the barrier or the thrill of barking and lunging is more rewarding than anything we offer, the behavior will continue whenever the stimulus or stimulus point is presented.  Management prevents a behavior from happening, rather than eliminating the behavior.

Finding out why the dog wants to interact leads to a solution to barrier frustration.  Is the dog frightened and trying to ward off a perceived threat to itself or its home?  Or is the dog overly enthusiastic to meet and greet and make friends?  Fearful dogs need training to restore confidence that all is well and safe.  Overly friendly dogs need training for impulse control, to be taught that polite behavior might be rewarded with the opportunity to meet and greet.   While the behavioral end result is the same - calm dogs in sight of a formerly overly exciting stimulus - the means to the results are entirely different methods of training.  In this case, simply rewarding for not lunging and barking might not be sufficient, especially when fear is at the root of the matter.

Punishment for barrier frustration, on the other hand, can increase barking and lunging, shifting it to actual aggression, the intent to attack.  Because the frustration has achieved such a heightened emotional state, dogs are unaware of their behavior.  Punishment in this situation causes dogs to correlate the pain/discomfort to the stimulus of their frustration, meaning other animals or people.  Dogs initially frustrated by fear increase that fear.  Happy excitement changes to fear if the dog’s frustration originates with an eagerness to greet other people/animals.  Punishment can also cause redirection of the frustration, the dog reacting to the source of the punishment, frequently the handler or the suppression of a behavior until the fear reaches a point where it explodes with indiscriminate violence.

As with any unwanted behavior, addressing barrier frustration in the early stages can prevent unwanted behaviors from accelerating.  Training impulse control can help dogs greet humans and other animals appropriately on and off leash.  Limiting access to possible stimulation points, pre-emptively rewarding for ignoring potential stimuli, and not allowing dogs unsupervised time in potentially hyper-stimulating areas can prevent guarding against unknown or perceived intruders.  While we can’t eliminate all the barriers in life, by altering the perception of barriers, we can keep frustration to a minimum.

Playing the Wingman

“Oh jeeze!  DON’T look!”

“What?”

“Oh, man, That Person is coming this way.”

You and your friend look at the table, the lint on your sleeve, the ice in your glass, your cell phone.  Anywhere but up.

An arm lands on your shoulder.

“Heeeeeey, what are you folks up to tonight?” That Person says.

Do you:

A.    Smile and make nice, hoping That Person will find someone else to bother … SOON!

B.     Tell That Person that you and your friend are having a private discussion.

C.     Don’t say or do anything and hope That Person will go away

D.    Get up and leave

E. Tell That Person to get lost.

We’ve all had this experience at least once.  That Person is often a stranger, can be male or female, and usually isn’t life threatening.  So why is it that we don’t want to meet or even make eye contact with That Person?  Something about That Person makes us uncomfortable.  It’s an aura or scent or something that gives us a bad first impression and the following non-responsiveness to the social cues we’re giving (averted eyes, appearing busy with something, disinterest in the approach) and invasion of personal space further confirm the first impression.  Our response to That Person is determined by our personality and by our previous experiences with similar people and their reaction to our responses.

Are any of the responses wrong? What if That Person doesn’t leave and becomes increasingly obnoxious and invasive?  Is there a point where yelling becomes appropriate?  What about violence? 

As human beings, most of us do not like everybody.  Most of us learn that not everyone will like us.  We use our social skills to be polite and courteous, but we expect others to respect our boundaries and our preferences.  But what happens when these boundaries are crossed?  We have a right to defend our boundaries and ourselves to various degrees.

Going back to the situation, what if your friend, your “wingman,” disagrees with your response? What if your “wingman” sides with That Person?  We expect our friend to side with us, defend us, if necessary, run interference.  Goose to our Maverick, Sam to our Michael Weston, Butch to our Sundance, Ethel to our Lucy.  A good wingman can diffuse the situation, can prevent violence.  Knowing someone has our back makes us feel safe and confident.

Trust your dog's instinct about That Dog

Let’s replay the above scene, dog version.

You and your dog are out for a walk.  Your dog sees That Dog.  Your dog looks away, sniffs at the grass, sits and scratches itself.  The other dog hurries closer, wants to touch noses and sniff your dog’s butt.

The options are more complex this time.  Your dog is bound to you and cannot leave since it is on leash.  Does your dog:

A.   A. Slowly wag its tail and allow the other dog to come nose to nose, sniff butts … and hope the other dog will stop there and leave

B.     Stand stiffly and stare (possibly growl) at the other dog

C.     Stand still, look away, and refuse to interact

D.    Go behind you or as far away from the other dog as the leash will permit

E.     Bark, lunge, and snarl at the dog to prevent it from coming any closer

A dog’s response is similar to a human’s in that it’s based on personality and past experiences.  Did That Dog become increasingly invasive?  Did That Dog attack?  Most importantly, because the dog is restrained on a leash, what did the handler do?

As guardians for our dogs, we have an obligation to teach our dogs proper social skills.  But we also have a responsibility to have our dogs’ back when That Dog is ignoring the proper signals.  With the flight option gone, without our intervention, the last option available for a dog on leash is to fight. 

Ideally, we should be our dog’s “wingman,” scoping out the area for That Dog.  It’s hard to tell who it will be, but it’s usually an off-leash dog charging at your dog.  Despite what the human behind That Dog says, a rushing dog is NOT friendly.  It’s rude.  The approached dog can’t read the body language since it’s the “narrow part” that’s facing him.  A human stranger running towards me would make me nervous as well.  Any species running at another species is suspicious at the very least.  A dog’s response is normally to stand at high alert, ready to fight (since it’s on leash) just in case the rush turns bad.  As the “wingman,” we should step between the dogs and walk away.  If That Dog slows, lowers its head and walks alongside, then it’s up to your dog if the meet should continue.

Looking away, doing other behaviors such as sniffing the ground or and scratching are a dog’s way of saying I’m not interested.  There is no reason to allow another dog to sniff your dog if your dog is uncomfortable.  There is a reason why your dog is uncomfortable.  If sniffing starts, a polite sniff lasts no more than 1-2 seconds.  Any longer, and That Dog is violating your dog’s space.  Step between the dogs and move on.

Most people find that once their dogs can rely on their handlers to intervene on their behalf, they become less nervous about other dogs.    These dogs can become more relaxed and confident when other dogs approach them.

Finally, don’t let your dog be That Dog.  Teach your dog proper social skills.  If another dog looks away from your dog, teach your dog to come to you and respect the other dog’s disinterest.  If your dog is pulling and dragging you to go see another dog, don’t reward the behavior by allowing it to greet the other dog.  Teach him to play it cool (turn around, go the opposite direction, then try again more calmly).  Your dog doesn’t need to force itself to be “friends” with all other dogs.  A few select dog friends are fine.  In fact, your dog really doesn’t need to have any dog friends.  He’s got the best friend and wingman in the world:  You.